I'm so embarrassed
I even tried to cheese my way up a couple of spots during the final minutes of the competition by sacrificing guys to leech the hideout, but I kept losing a man before I reached the hideout and so I failed. All my self-worth is tied up in DKJr, so please don't make fun.
Actually, after finally forcing myself during the BOTA2 to play some Jr, I learned the game is not quite as horrible as I have long believed. Don't get me wrong, I won't be taking up Jr. anytime soon (read: I will never play Jr. if I can avoid it), but I did gain some appreciation for the game's subtleties. For instance, maximizing fruit drops on the chain boards is an interesting challenge.
I still reserve the right to constantly talk trash about Jr.