Hi there, I'm Cork. Some of you may know me from the constant barrage of expletives that emanates from my stream. Anyway, this sooper shweet blahg isn't about me. It's about scores. Hyper-unrealistic mega scores that I want to score. Soon. Or maybe later. So I guess it's kind of about me. Whatever. This is a half assed effort.
I guess this whole thing started way back when. It was the two thousand and twelfth year of our Lord, and I was but a mere blip on the classic arcade gaming radar. All I wanted to do was reach a killscreen on Ms. Pac-Man turbo. And I did that. Kind of. But that's neither here nor there. What that game instilled in me was the desire to get really, really fkn good at some games. More than one, but less than, let's say, 73. I was out gallivanting with the Solar System famous Bill Carlton one brisk winter eve when we reached the topic of goals for the upcoming year. His were modest (1,300 on DK, watch Ben Falls play Dark Tower, dress as Blinky for Halloween). Modesty never appealed to me however, so in my less than sober state I managed to compile a list that would make a John McAllister-Don Hayes love child poop himself (assuming he's already potty trained). Without further adieu, I present a list of shit that will most likely never happen:
Ms. Pac-Man turbo - world record (922k+)
Centipede - 1 million points
Millipede - 1 million points
Robotron - marathon
see 150 Phish shows
Donkey Koooooooong - killscreen
Missile Command - marathon
Bubbles - 500k points, followed by 1 million points (in the same game)
Defender - 1 million points
Stargate - 1 million points
And there you have it, straight from The Corky's brain to his fingers to his computer to this forum to the interwebs back to this forum to your computer to your eyes to your brain. It's like a really convoluted Vulcan Mind Meld.
And if you're still here (which you should be, since there will be punch and pie at the end), you may or may not be pleased to know that I have already accomplished one of my goals. That's right ladies and germs, last night, off camera, away from prying eyes, came the Centipede game of my life. I am officially in the 1 million point club. And that's as much bragging as I personally care to do, so please refer to my publicist and high score hype man, Bill Carlton, if you wish to hear more. Thank you all; you've been great. Try the veal and tip your bartender.
