The past few weeks have been emotionally exhausting. My mom’s house is officially sold, and all of our belongings are out of the house I grew up in, and where my Dad lost his battle with cancer. I had to go through 31 years of memories, decide what to keep, and what to throw out. A lot of that was decided on what memories these items were associated with. I essentially was leaving my body, and reliving what those objects were associated with. If it was a good memory, I would keep it, and trash it if it was bad. So many mixed emotions, and a lot of them were aiming on the negative side. A photographic memory can be a curse sometimes. I even saw my old Catholic books, and was terrified I was gonna get a repressed memory. Luckily, I didnt. I decided to take the artist approach, and destroy my previous work to create newer, and better work. The best place to start were my biggest problems, which were also the most recent. I burned my diploma, cut up my college graduation stuff, smashed the $3000 laptop they told us we had to buy(LIE), put it all into a box, and pissed in it all day long while I sorted through more stuff. Then I came across all my sports trophies. A majority of them either said 2nd Place, or Runner Up. I dismantled, and trashed all of them. I only kept the few first place ones I had, because I didn’t want the memories of defeat in my house anymore. All the times I’ve watched the other opponent hoist the cup has burned my soul for ages, and it was time to destroy those memories with my bare hands. Felt good to take control of my past like that. I felt like I was born again, and was ready to start a new life.
The biggest reason I had my falling out with Wes was he reminded me of a childhood friend that eventually turned others against me senior year of high school. This kid knew I wanted Captain status of our golf team more than anything, and it was something I worked hard every day for four years to earn. I never had Captain status in any sport I ever played, and I knew it was going to help me get into college. He turned the team against me, and they just voted for the kid who ran the website. Him and others were quick to rub it into my face, and I could never look at people the same ever again. Wes' actions while getting his scores, and what he was doing recently sparked those memories, and I lost my cool. Most of the bad things in my life have been from the hands of other people. I got tired of it to the point where I moved 2700 miles away, isolated myself, and not really let anyone into my every day life. The only three years since I was 12 where I wasn’t harmed by other people. It was a nice break, but I knew that wasn’t the life I wanted to live, and decided to move back. Turns out people don’t get better in their 30s. Thought I was in a love story last year, with me and another girl from my hometown. First time in a long time, I thought things were really gonna finally work out for me. I sold all my Apple shares I got through work, so I could raise enough money to move with her. She ended up running off with another guy, and refused to tell me for 12 days even though I was pretty aware what was going on. Coward. I laid awake all those nights just wondering why she wouldn’t just tell me to get closure. She never gave that to me, and I blew up on her months later. She decided to tell me the night before Thanksgiving, and my world collapsed. I barely ate that Thanksgiving, and felt like my life was broken. The reason why I streamed my first record game on here was so I could break the record right in front of her, and without her by my side. The best feeling ever, and now I know I need to move forward, and destroy all the negative shit that brought me to this point. I don’t want to keep bringing my negative experiences with people into new relationships. It is not fair to them, and thats not me. I apologize if I was overemotional during this crazy time in my life, but I just need to take it one day at a time, and decompress.
I will try to do my best to bring positivity back to the Donkey Kong Community, and eliminate all the negative that Wes brought out of me.
You don’t just go do something crazy like break the Donkey Kong Record living a normal life
