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Finkel's Little Football Cookies Blog

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rayfinkel:
hmm... it seems i haven't updated this beast in a while. i suppose after last night's pb, now is as good a time as any, eh?

as many of you know, i broke 1.2 back in october. already almost 7 months ago... crazy how fast time flies. since then, i've been working myself to the bone trying to get into the 1.23+ range. every day is essentially the same. another set of games, another set of failures. but with each failure came the opportunity to learn new things. i'm a big believer that failure only exists if you give up. if you do not give up, you cannot fail. and i refuse/d to give up.

heading into last night's pb, i had been failing and getting back up a lot. i have never doubted myself, but i do put tremendous pressure on myself to succeed. sometimes, during long droughts, it can almost seem like your next victory may never manifest itself. you start to wonder how long it might take. days... weeks... months... years? dk is merely a video game, but i believe that pursuing high scores in this game and many others very much parallels our real life journey's, as well. the cost of getting better at anything is the same - passion, sacrifice, dedication and an unbelievable amount of resilience.

every day that i play, i try to set myself up to succeed. i exercise, eat well, supplement, read a lot and occasionally try to meditate (i should do this way more). i don't do these things just because of dk, obviously, but i believe they help immensely in achieving the optimal mental and physical state for high score pursuits. despite this, some of my absolute worst sessions have come when i was feeling 100%. on fire. can't make a mistake. in the zone. that's just how dk goes some days.

alas... the setbacks continued. but... my skills and abilities grew... even when i wasn't aware of it. with every mistake came a desire to never make that mistake again. with every period of terrible RNG came a chance to test my mental fortitude against conditions that were out of my control. with every game where i was pacing incredibly high came a chance to steel my nerves whilst my mind ran rampant with enormous expectations. with every low-pacing game... a chance to accept that it was okay to be behind and to challenge myself to catch back up.

last night, i went into my session feeling about 60%. in general, i probably drink too much caffeine, honestly. for my afternoon workout, i popped some C4 (preworkout drink) - the same kind i typically always drink. for whatever reason, it just didn't settle right and i spent the rest of the day feeling significantly worse. i remember thinking i shouldn't play dk... maybe i could just take the day off. but i didn't. instead, i popped two credits offline - both 140 starts. both losing men on level 5 and being forced to reset (i typically won't reset if i get a decent # of death points, but with 0 dp's, it's pretty brutal).

at that point, i took a mini break and then decided, what the heck - i'll just fire up the stream. streaming has always been a way for me to help motivate myself when the inspiration was lacking. i'm also lucky in that many people choose to stop in once in a while and cheer me on. to them, i am so grateful. it's always a blast hanging with the mates.

the rest, as is said, was history. it didn't take all that long to get a start going despite an early death on level 4. the entire game felt like my worst RNG of all time. i was complaining more than usual. but despite this, i still looked at it as a chance to endure and overcome. at the end of the day, i finished with a score of 1,218,700 whilst many of the mates watched on and offered their congratulations! the feeling, as many of you know, was euphoric. for a few brief moments after i entered my initials, i simply sat there, mic off, and broke down in tears a bit. that's the "passion" part i mentioned above. i have no reluctance to share that with all of you. i also had to pee really freakin' bad!

where do i go from here? probably a mini-break followed by some cab action! i suppose time will tell! gilly, you still got that cab buddayyy!?!?

anyway, i started writing up some shoutouts, but after 20 minutes of doing that, i decided i would rather not forget anyone. of course, you all know exactly who you are, so i assume that doesn't matter. just know that if i talk to you on the regular, i appreciate you more than words can sum up. y'all are the best. thank you. <3

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